Day 12.5 Or Maybe 300… Those Moments
Just so you know, it took a lot time to write this. I’m trying to pin point my memories on a board for you all to see. So here goes.
I’m still trying to remember. Those times. Where words were the bow on the gift of our love, wrapped in affection & kindness. No occasion called for those moments. Where love filled the air and the flies would fall from flight, drunk from it. Love, that was the drug we once used. To roll it up, seal it with our lips and soar. Intoxicated by it, head spinning heart racing. But where have those moments gone? They’re in yesterday, days of months ago. When you were next to me but now there’s nothing there. Just those memories.
It seems like forever since I felt your breathe on my skin. Like too much time has passed & I’ve forgotten what your voice sounds like. Your heartbeat, it's powerful like my knight in shining armour, warrior of the motherland. The very thing that I couldn't wait to hear, like the air that I need is decreasing & I can barely breath. See there’s a pain in my chest & it doesn’t seem to want to go away. I’ve pleaded with it, given it other options even questioned it ‘ why do you stay here? Why this place, why not my arm you can move up & down change angles if you wish. Or my knee, that buckles under the strain of the slightly broken rag doll it holds up’. But pleading is no good to a pain that grows everyday like a cancer that just won’t go away.
That’s what took place, when you were erased from my daily routine I found it. A struggle to say the least. To just breath & not feel that pain, to not move & think of you. To not drink & think of the sips that passed your lips that once touched mine. To not speak but my words are screaming aloud that time elapsed too soon & the chapter ends where it should’ve began & the lesson that should’ve been learnt hasn’t been. And here we are again. In the same position love left us-alone & in some kind of nightmare where love is my enemy not my friend. When did Cupid start taking revenge on those who couldn’t grasp love? Taking his arrows laced with heartache, aiming at those who wear their heart on their sleeve. Aiming at me.
It’s funny, I never thought that there would be a time that would sit & think about the times that I had with you. To have to sit & search through my memory, the library of my life trying to find you. Amongst the hundreds & thousands of pages, where are you? I saw you in my palm where my life line meets love, there’s you. I saw you in my smile where you placed your promises of never being apart & eternity. I saw you in my laughter where you poured your humour into the base of my diaphragm, causing my sides to ache more than my heart. I saw our future in my eyes before it was washed away by a flood of tears. Washed away by the fact that love didn’t live the home of our relationship. But at our neighbours, who abused what could’ve been mine. Instead they return love to my door like a cup of sugar- empty and broken. What am I to use to sweeten my own cup of live, where is my love?
In another girls life, where all the promises of seeing each other grow old are now hers. Where all the plans that were made have been contracted under a new name, so I need to give you back these. I need to give you back the moment met, when ctaerpillars turned into butterflies. Give back the smiles you created, to keep them would be unfair. I have nowhere to wear the, since they were made by you. I have to return your hugs, my cloak of protection. My superman that could revive me from my fall. I need to give you back the clouds that you pleaced in my sky that carressed the sun that lights up life. I need to return all the hand holding moments where I placed mine in yours, they were a perfect match. My hand missed yours. I know this might sound stupid, but I miss yours smell, I do. I miss your just woke up outta bed smell, your just ran back from the store smell, that baby you want something to eat smell. That smell that was made only for me, I would’ve put it in a bottle and made a profit. Eau D’Soul Mate ‘One spray lasts a lifetime’.
Now I have returned what was once mine, I now have to ask you to let me have my moments back. Where my heart beats, when it doesn’t skip a beat every time it see you. To feel my mind not running towards you in letter that form purpler and blue kisses. I just need that peace & calm feeling, that my soulis being washed over like a beach. Being covered by the palms that shade me from the heat of pain, that beams down from your sun. I just want to breath so that maybe one day I can look back & say. I miss those moments.
Sincerely Yours
Isha A Poet xxx
